Dreams

First, I want to say thank you to Diane for suggesting I check out my state's Brain Injury Association site to see if theres a therapist that they recommend. No luck. Maybe I just couldn't find it? Let me blame the horse. I'm not as picky here now; I'll take any highly recommended therapist/counselor/psychologist/psychiatrist in the area. Although I am drawing the line at analrapist. Hardy Har Har...I think I'm funny. I also think I've watched too much Arrested Development to remember that.

Moving on, I took like a 30 minute nap and I had this dream (which I thought wasn't even possible but who am I to say?). In my dream everything was current, like what happened has happened and I was 26 and everything. But I thought "man, I really miss my horse. I really should go see her again" so I went back to the stable I usually kept her at when I was in High School, right before I left for BYU. I had lots of horses, but she was the last one I had and dare I say favorite? Her name was Khya. I got her when she was 2 and broke her and everything. I wish I had a picture I could show you on this comp, but alas. I just asked my husband if we can scan one into the computer but he said its not hooked up yet. So that is forthcoming. It wasn't that long ago that we mainly had hard copies of pictures. She was a great horse. I really miss her.

Moving on. I went to my horse (it wasn't a big deal. I must have moved back to CA) and she was in the exact same stall and she was perfectly cared for. Although I remember thinking she was a little chubby. I touched her, and her coat was so soft and smooth. And that was it, I woke up. Will I ever have that again?

I told my husband. He said hes not buying me a horse. Hey dad, remember when you told me the same thing?? Ha. But I see Eddie's point: A house. A car. Getting my nails done every couple weeks. Will I ever be happy? Would a horse even work? Last I recall, I was pretty darn happy with my horses in CA, but then again I wasn't fighting snow to go see them there, and I wasn't trying to balance out so many other all so important responsibilities. Life was simpler then.

I remember it being hard when what hurt you was exactly what you want at the time. When I finally came to accept what people were telling me (that I had been in a coma because a horse kicked me in the head) which took me awhile to believe cuz my head never hurt, all I want to do was go be with my horses and cry in their manes. But then I remembered I couldn't walk anyways. Now theres no horses left for me. Any its not like any horse will do anyways. I need my horses. I need Khya. I need a horse I trust. One I know would go out of her way to never ever ever hurt me while still being beautiful and perfect.

One time I heard someone say that "horses are a little more expensive than therapy and counseling, but for more affective."